15 Quotes to Soothe the Freelance Writer Soul

Being a freelance writer takes a brave soul. You have to find the courage within yourself to go out into the world as a writer come what may. It’s important to keep your thoughts and mental health in check. The journey is sometimes a rocky one, but for those who trek on the road less traveled, it’s worth the risk. Here are a few quotes to help you on your way.

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How NOT to Behave on Valentine's Day

I think I may be one of those rare "single people" who don't mind Valentine's Day. In fact, not only do I not mind, I have an annual tradition set in place since I was 17 years old! It started one fine Valentine's Day back in 2007 (Yikes I'm getting older O.o). My friends and I were in the local grocery store, walking in like a badass posse strutting our independence because we drove ourselves in my Mom's Mini-Van. I rocked the shit out of that van back in the day.

My friends and I had planned on going back to my house and baking a crap ton of delicious treats while watching a movie. As we were getting ready to leave the grocery store, I happened upon a rack of movies. It was there that I found THE Valentine's Day movie of a lifetime. I picked up The Departed and thought to myself "I have no clue what this movie is about, but for the sake of looking cool, I'm going to go with this one." Yes friends, I picked a violent Boston mob film to watch on Valentine's Day. The ridiculous part was, that it went well! I thoroughly enjoyed the film, as did my friends. Thus a tradition was born.

Fast forward 4 years, and I found myself carrying out my beloved tradition at college in Flagstaff. I invited my friends over for dinner, treats, and a super badass film. I was particularly excited because a certain someone I may or may not have had a crush on was going to be in attendance. Again, I stress the may or may not. It was one of those situations where you aren't terribly too sure, or at the very least you didn't want anyone to really know about it. So naturally I did the "deny deny deny" charade for some time.

As I was preparing the food and getting ready for my friends to arrive, I felt a sudden twinge of anxiety and nervousness. I began to feel pretty anxious about all of these people coming over. So naturally, like any smart 21 year old, I decided to drink the anxiety away. After all, what's the harm in getting a little buzz on before company arrives? Of course, my intelligent, self had not eaten in quite some time, so let's just say the booze did it's job.

I "came alive" as my friends piled into my house. It was quite a good sized group, so I was pretty happy with the turnout. Drinks were pouring, people were eating, then all of a sudden, he showed up. Zack entered the room casually late with desserts in hand. I think one of the things I admired most about him was his thoughtfulness. So my buzzed (errr, drunk) ass goes over to greet and look over the tasty treats he's provided.

I must preface this by saying I am a closeted picky eater. Seriously, there are only two pies that I like: apple and cherry. So looking at his selection, to my horror, Zack had purchased a peach pie. I hate peach pie. Of course, I had planned on doing the nice mature thing by saying "thank you" but my drunk brain had something else in mind. Staring down at the pie I thought to myself "Great he brought peach pie, because I f*cking hate it". All of a sudden I hear several gasps and the room got quiet.To my shock and horror, what I "thought" I had said to myself, I actually ended up saying out loud. I looked up and surveyed the room to see the stunned faces looking at me. Zack's face was bright red as I tried to fumble through a terrible retraction/apology.

Fortunately for me, he was pretty gracious about the whole thing and decided to tease me about for some time, and it later became the joke amongst our group. Later that year I made a peach pie for his birthday as a peace offering. As the hostess with the mostest, I proceeded to shove peach pie down everyone's throats as a sign of solidarity. Needless to say, that was the first desert finished that night. Even after my little debacle, it was still a great night.

Well folks, that's how not to behave on Valentine's Day. Here are a few key takeaways that I hope you've gotten from my awesome little blunder

1. Don't drink on an empty stomach
2. Make sure you're actually thinking in your head and not out loud
3. When someone hands you a gift just say "thank you" and shut up

I hope everyone had a swell Valentine's day!

When is Regret OK?

“No Regrets”

It’s a term we swing around so loosely, but, does one actually live their lives without any regrets?

This morning I was finally unpacking (I moved, more on that later), and I had Pandora blaring my “A Tribe Called Quest” station (90s Hip Hop or bust!). Bobbing my head while organizing my life, things were going swell. That is, until 93 til’ infinity started playing, and all hell broke loose. On a side note, if you don’t know who Souls of Mischief are, you must go to youtube and search the above mentioned song, it’s legit.

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Anywho, the first time I had ever heard that song was about 3-4 years ago when I was attending university in Flagstaff, AZ. I worked at the Student Tech Center on campus and had bosses who had great tastes in music. One day, Trey, my supervisor and I were going on and on about 90s hip hop and he happened to play 93 til’ infinity and I absolutely fell in love with the song. In fact, those years I really developed a stronger love for the genre which I still have to this day.

So where does the regret come to play? Well, when I first started going to NAU, I HATED it. It was a massive culture shock. Trapped in the mountains with a bunch of hippy dippy nature people, I was so out of my element. You see, I am somewhat of an escape artist. One of the perks of living in Southern California is that if you get bored of your scenery, you can escape to somewhere new within a 2 hour radius. In Flagstaff, that was not the case. Tack on a passive aggressive roommate who only communicated by post it notes, my “home life” resembled the Cold War/ Cuban Missile Crisis.

Being the persnickety person that I am, within the first few months, I already started planning my escape. I knew that I only had to be there for 2 years, I decided to keep myself at an emotional distance from others. You can’t miss anything/anyone you don’t know, right? Well after the first 6 months, things did get better. I started making friends, going out, and creating a pseudo-life, with everything still, at an arm’s length away. Hell, even my graduation was a “wham bam thank you ma’am” spectacle. I literally walked, bought chipotle, then dusted out of town with my family. My parents were pretty incredulous at my indifference and lack of emotion at this point. Seriously, I left Flagstaff a half hour after my graduation with the intention of never going back again (sidenote: I’ve been back a handful of times now).

So, what am I getting at here? Well, you know those pseudo-friends/life I was telling you about? It turns out they may have meant more to me than I initially realized. When 93 til’ infinity started playing through my speakers, I’ll be honest, I didn’t remember the title of the song or the artist. I just remembered how it made me feel. 3 years of buried feelings just started pouring out. I felt of blend of nostalgia, pain, regret, sadness, and a tinge of happiness shoot through me all at once, and rather intensely I might add. How could a song, that I vaguely remember bring back so much unresolved feelings? Music is strange in that way I suppose.

In spite of my first crappy few months away at school, I really did enjoy my time there. The people at the STC were my friends, dare I say my family. Spending my weekends at school trading music jams with my colleagues are some of my best memories ever. I fooled myself into thinking that I could just cut out that part of my life and soldier on, but that’s not the way life works. In short, I regret how I handled things. I regret that I didn’t invest more emotionally. I regret that I didn’t really say goodbye or feel the loss of leaving Flagstaff. I feel regret.

Obviously I can’t turn back the hands of time, however, I can learn from my mistakes. I struggle at letting people into my little bubble, but I have made strides of improvement. There is a bigger feeling fulfillment when I legitimately connect with others. It’s scary with the vulnerability that I am allowing, but it’s a better feeling than listening to a song that rips you to a time of unresolved feelings.

I can’t change the past, but I can change how I react in my future. My goal is to really connect and enjoy moments when they happen as they are. When you spend your time looking for the next adventure, you could be downplaying something beautiful that is happening right in front of you.

 

Sharing is Caring

Who do you confide in? No, seriously. Do you share your hopes, dreams, fears and aspirations with just anyone? Or do you keep the deepest, darkest and most personal part to yourself? If you’re the latter, well welcome to the club of pretty much everyone. I find it odd that in such a technologically progressive world, I’ve heard “I feel so alone in a crowd of people” from more people than I care to admit.

We all seem to think that we’re weird individual creatures from Mars whom others couldn’t dream of comprehending, but honestly that’s just not the case. Sharing is caring. What I mean by that, is the most you share with others, you’ll be surprised and elated to find out that you’re really not that different from those you know. I mean really, it’s a mind blowing process.

Once upon a time, I used to think I was this strange person who had all of these weird ideas and concepts that we just completely against the typical norm. Then I shared parts of myself with others and came to realize I’m not as “weird” or “special” as I thought. Sure, my genotypes are pretty unique, but there are a bunch of 20 Somethings out there running around trying to figure out where and how they fit into this world.

The more I shared with others, the more connected I began to feel and it’s quite awesome! I will admit though, that once I found out that I was vanilla boring, my ego deflated a bit. Drat, I thought I was unique and special. In all honesty, it is nice to know that I’m not the only one on Mars. Turns out we’re all on it. ;-)

So in an effort to share more, I’m going to toss out into the blogosphere my hopes and aspirations that I usually keep close to the vest. I either felt that people would think they were stupid or lofty so I kept them to myself. I like to think of myself as “practical” (scared) and I try to do the conventional thing. But convention is boring and lame; and the wild child in me is dying to come out. Here are a few things that I want to achieve sooner than later. Don’t judge me too hard, haha!

Things I’d Like to Accomplish

1. Be a features writer for several magazine publications, writing on culture, music, etc. etc. etc. I love people, especially my generation. We’re idealistic, scared, fun, interesting people in which I love to observe. So if I had my way, I’d be doing more of that and less of dreaming about it. (Hm, I smell a call to action soon)

2. Get to Sweden. I’d love to go visit the country. When I was in college, I had studied a lot of their public policies and they have some cool things going on over there. (Paternity leave, how cool is that?!)

3. Get a loft in downtown LA. It’s funny when I was in school in LA, I hated it (Granted it was a difficult time in my life). But now after being away for a few years, I am dying to go back. I’ll make it happen one day!

In short, let’s keep it real and talk to people. It’s incredibly fun and very eye opening on how we all want the same thing; which is to be happy and enjoy life as it comes our way. What are some things you keep to yourself? I’d love to hear about it!

My First Coffee Experience

My first introduction to drinking coffee came about when I was a mere 12 years old. I was away at a weekend camp that my school attended every year. This year, I was a mentor to the 6 graders (Because in 7th grade you’ve acquired enlightenment). As a mentor, it was clear that I’d reached the epitome of maturity.

At this camp there was a gift shop in which they sold iced coffees. At 12, I thought that coffee was the drink of intellectuals; and since I considered myself to be highly intelligent, I just knew coffee was for me (In Laymen’s terms I thought I would seem cool and smart so I just had to partake in the ritual). So I went to the gift shop, forked over $3.25 (which was a lot for coffee back in 2001) and bought my very first coffee. I should also mention that my parents did not allow me to drink coffee (But when the cat’s away…). After recoiling from the cost of this forbidden beverage, I waited eagerly during its preparation. A few minutes (which seemed to be an eternity) passed by and I was handed my iced blended coffee.

With my other mentor buddies who also decided to join in on the coffee experience, I sipped my first induction into greatness. DISGUSTING!!! This was the thought that was screaming in my head. The bitter icy sludge that I was ingesting seemed to be more a form of torture than a rite of passage. Of course to save face, I nonchalantly hid my displeasure from the group and casually kept sipping as if all was right in the world.

I did not finish my drink that day. I remember thinking to myself, “Who on earth would drink that crap?!” I was confused, dismayed, and discouraged. All this while, I believed the path to enlightenment rested on this nectar called coffee, a beverage that I did not like! To add insult to injury, everyone else seemed to love it! (I would later find out that all of my friends hated it and just wanted to be “cool” too). So to get over my disappointment of not enjoying coffee right away, I decided to put my quest for enlightenment on hold. It would be a few years before Starbucks entered my world, but, for anyone who would listen, I was an avid coffee drinker from that day on. ;:-)

How to Have a Successful Introvert/Extrovert Friendship: From an Introvert’s Perspective

 For those who know me in the “real world”, you know that I am a total chatty Kathy. I love talking to people, especially on topics I’m interested in. Strike up a conversation on something I love, I light up like the stars in a night’s sky and will gesture with enthusiasm. While this is very true and I love being in the presence of others, I need time to recharge my social batteries. Yup, I’m an introvert. I tried to deny this for some time because stereotypically, we associate introversion with some atypical shy person who cannot carry on a conversation to save their lives.  That may be true in some cases, but I assure you it does not fit everyone. Chances are, your introverted friends are the ones who are great listeners and dispense some pretty solid advice. You go to them for emotional support. Since introverts operate in an internal manner, these functions can be pretty draining.

I have all types of friends who all have different personalities (it makes for great stories). Interestingly enough, I have a tendency to be drawn towards people who are extroverted. I’ve been fortunate enough to have become close with people who pretty much get my M.O. so it’s been great. Sometimes there is a disconnect between friends when one wants to communicate more frequently than the other. Problem is, if you don’t give me time to gear up for the next adventure, I get a little overwhelmed and become unresponsive. It’s not because I’m trying to be rude, it’s simply the fact that I need time to chill. So in light of recent events, I’m listing a few points on how to keep a meaningful introvert/extrovert friendship going.

1. Be Welcoming 

The myth is that introverts will not talk to strangers. That is absolutely untrue. Just today I was at the grocery store buying syrup and a lady mentioned how it doubled in price since last week. Since she was pleasant and friendly, I had no problem chatting with her about different grocery items that have surged in price recently. Conversation can be intimidating for introverts, but if you start off with a congenial attitude, you’d be surprised by the outcome.

2. Be Patient

I like to have time to think about things. Very seldom (if ever) do I go through with a plan that has not been thought out. So if you’re introverted friend seems a bit hesitant about anything, give them a chance to process and they’ll eventually come around. Unless it has anything to do with snakes, then I’m out. No exceptions.

3. Give Them Space

I love hanging out with my friends, I really do. At times if I’m out and about for extended periods of time, I have to have some off time. Usually I’ll unwind by reading a book, crocheting, or going on walks with Abbey. So it’s fair to say that I’ll check out for a little while. It’s mostly a day’s time and then I’m back in the social saddle ready to ride off again. Point is, quiet time is important for introverts to get back out into the social scene.

4. Don’t Push

Here’s where some challenges can occur. If I don’t get the space that I need, I go AWOL socially. Which means I don’t answer texts, calls, or anything in between. I get that this can be seen as rude to some, but I assure you it’s not meant maliciously. The reality is that when you invade an introvert’s space, it can be seen as overwhelming. Of course that’s not the intent but it’s how the receiver can feel. Case in point, if I get a bunch of texts while I’m trying to unwind, it’s overwhelming. I cannot  maintain that style of constant communication, even if it’s on something I’m interested in. It’s like a tidal wave of communication coming at me all at once and all I want to do is throw my phone into the trash. At that point, I won’t respond and will need a cooling off period before I can engage. Later on, when I’m feeling up to it, I’ll get around to responding. If you have a friend who gets a bit standoffish, chances are, they’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. Let them take a beat and they’ll get back to you. If you keep pushing, all they’ll do is prolong responding.

5. Don’t Take it Personally

I love my zany outgoing friends. They push me to get out of my comfort zone to do things I wouldn’t do on my own. With that being said, I still need my down time. If your introverted friends don’t want to hang out, most of the time it has nothing to do with you. It just means that they are mentally relaxing and getting prepped for the next awesome hang out session. Once you understand the method to their madness and give them the opportunity to reach their social equilibrium, they’ll be back out in no time, ready for the next adventure.

So those are some quick tips for extroverts on how to get along with their introvert pals. I do have some advice for my introvert cohorts as well.

1. Be Receptive

A general misnomer is that introverts are shy. That’s not always the case. If a person is offering you a “social olive branch” try your best and meet them halfway. A little growth never killed anyone

2. Ask For Time

If you take some time to make decisions, tell your friends what’s up. Don’t feel pressured to just blurt anything out. Chances are that our extrovert counterparts don’t operate in this type of mindset and that’s ok, but make your intentions clear.

3. Ask For Space 

I straight up tell my friends when I’m going “off the grid”. Telling people that you need space is not rude, especially if it’s crucial to your wellbeing. We’re all different and may not see eye to eye on things, so communication is key. Just send an “I’m currently checking out” message to your friends and get back to them when you feel up to it.

4. Set Boundaries

If you have a well meaning friend who doesn’t seem to get the message, after you’re done with your hiatus, have a heart to heart with that person. Explain why you need your space and make sure that you get it. If they care for you at all, they’ll respect that. If they don’t, well that’s on them and they clearly are not respecting your need for space.

5. Let Them Know You Appreciate Your Friendship

It’s tough to hear that your friend wants some down time, so it’s important that you let them know how much you enjoy their friendship. I try as much as possible to let my friends know how much they mean to me. It helps them understand that it’s “not their fault” when you need space.

Honestly, if I try to be social when I haven’t had time to recuperate, I’m kind of an ass. It’s like a 5 year old who hasn’t had their afternoon nap; they become cranky and emotional. Once they wake up from that nap, they’re back to being the sweet kid they once were; it’s the same for introverts. So that’s my take on how to maintain a legit friendship between an introvert and extrovert. Introverts on the webs, do you agree? Also, all the extroverts out there what do you require for a friendship to be successful? I want to hear your opinions. :-)

Why I Hate Those “25 Things You Should do at 25…” Lists

So I’m gonna go on a little rant here. I was on Facebook (first mistake) and saw that an acquaintance posted a list from Thought Catalog titled: 25 Things Every Woman Should Have By The Time She Turns 25. Naturally I clicked on it (second mistake). Then finally, I read the whole entire thing (third and final mistake) It lists a bunch of things like “having a best friend that’s like a sister” and “having thank you cards in your drawer”, the list goes on and on. Please feel free to read it to get the gist of my annoyance. While I understand that the writer is trying to “empower women” and all that jazz, I can’t help but be supremely irritated by lists of this nature.

1. They are just as oppressive as the oppression they are trying to go against

I can tell you right now that I know a bunch of people (myself included) who do not fit this criteria who are either 25 or near it. So apparently I’m doing life wrong according to this list. Let me go crawl into bed now that I’ve realized I’m a failure at life. WRONG.  The author I guess identifies herself as a feminist, yet uses words and phrases such as, “tact, grace, and the ability to find shoes off of a 40% off rack” to describe how women should act or aspire to be by 25. I’m not even going to get into the gender connotations those words and behaviors imply. If you were going for gender equality, boy you sure nailed it. She also talks about the confidence to eat whatever and to be herself. Hm, how about the confidence to realize and justify that this list is chock full of romanticized crap that I nor anyone else has to adhere to. I mean seriously? How about this, I’ll “be myself” and forget that I ever read this list. Anyone (both male and female) should be able to live their life without having to check with a list to see if they’re doing it right. Life is not a “one size fits all” endeavor and everyone comes into their own path in a unique way.

2. It perpetuates the “Should” mentality

Everything on this list tells you what you “should” be doing. People are impressionable and by creating “standards” for them to live by can make them feel like crap if they haven’t achieved them. One of the biggest problems I see in our (millennial) generation is that we compare ourselves to each other way too much. The only thing that you “should” know when you’re 25 is that life is a confusingly beautiful adventure and it’s yours to do with as you see fit.

3. It is saying that every 25 year old has the exact same aspirations and expectations out of life

We are all different in this amazing and crazy world. My “norm” may be completely off base of what your “norm” is. And you know what? That is perfectly ok. We do not have to see eye to eye on everything, nor should we aspire to be cookie cutter drones. The dangerous thing about lists like these is that the author is perpetuating her sense of normalcy onto others and is passing it off like it’s dogma from the heavens. Who cares if you waited until you were 35 to learn how to change a tire. Maybe you hate shopping and are not savvy at a clearance rack. The beauty of life is that, as long as we’re still on this earth, we have the ability to learn, grow, and change when the time is right for each and every individual.There are no time limits on growth and all expectations need to be thrown out of the window.

Ok, now that I’ve said my peace, my only “list” for you is to live your life in a manner that makes you happiest. So long as you are not hurting others, be free to be whoever you are. Don’t take lists like these to heart, if you are 25 and you don’t have 3 months of livable income in the bank, don’t fret, most people of that age don’t (I mean, student loans, anyone?). Let’s stop placing our expectations of one another and just enjoy life as it comes. Lastly, if you value your life at all, forget that Thought Catalog ever existed. You’re self esteem and wellbeing will thank you for it. Also feel free to ignore my advice, I don’t have all of the answers either, nor do I want to place my values on others. As for now I’m off to find a 40% off shoe rack… ;-)