My First Coffee Experience

My first introduction to drinking coffee came about when I was a mere 12 years old. I was away at a weekend camp that my school attended every year. This year, I was a mentor to the 6 graders (Because in 7th grade you’ve acquired enlightenment). As a mentor, it was clear that I’d reached the epitome of maturity.

At this camp there was a gift shop in which they sold iced coffees. At 12, I thought that coffee was the drink of intellectuals; and since I considered myself to be highly intelligent, I just knew coffee was for me (In Laymen’s terms I thought I would seem cool and smart so I just had to partake in the ritual). So I went to the gift shop, forked over $3.25 (which was a lot for coffee back in 2001) and bought my very first coffee. I should also mention that my parents did not allow me to drink coffee (But when the cat’s away…). After recoiling from the cost of this forbidden beverage, I waited eagerly during its preparation. A few minutes (which seemed to be an eternity) passed by and I was handed my iced blended coffee.

With my other mentor buddies who also decided to join in on the coffee experience, I sipped my first induction into greatness. DISGUSTING!!! This was the thought that was screaming in my head. The bitter icy sludge that I was ingesting seemed to be more a form of torture than a rite of passage. Of course to save face, I nonchalantly hid my displeasure from the group and casually kept sipping as if all was right in the world.

I did not finish my drink that day. I remember thinking to myself, “Who on earth would drink that crap?!” I was confused, dismayed, and discouraged. All this while, I believed the path to enlightenment rested on this nectar called coffee, a beverage that I did not like! To add insult to injury, everyone else seemed to love it! (I would later find out that all of my friends hated it and just wanted to be “cool” too). So to get over my disappointment of not enjoying coffee right away, I decided to put my quest for enlightenment on hold. It would be a few years before Starbucks entered my world, but, for anyone who would listen, I was an avid coffee drinker from that day on. ;:-)

How to Have a Successful Introvert/Extrovert Friendship: From an Introvert’s Perspective

 For those who know me in the “real world”, you know that I am a total chatty Kathy. I love talking to people, especially on topics I’m interested in. Strike up a conversation on something I love, I light up like the stars in a night’s sky and will gesture with enthusiasm. While this is very true and I love being in the presence of others, I need time to recharge my social batteries. Yup, I’m an introvert. I tried to deny this for some time because stereotypically, we associate introversion with some atypical shy person who cannot carry on a conversation to save their lives.  That may be true in some cases, but I assure you it does not fit everyone. Chances are, your introverted friends are the ones who are great listeners and dispense some pretty solid advice. You go to them for emotional support. Since introverts operate in an internal manner, these functions can be pretty draining.

I have all types of friends who all have different personalities (it makes for great stories). Interestingly enough, I have a tendency to be drawn towards people who are extroverted. I’ve been fortunate enough to have become close with people who pretty much get my M.O. so it’s been great. Sometimes there is a disconnect between friends when one wants to communicate more frequently than the other. Problem is, if you don’t give me time to gear up for the next adventure, I get a little overwhelmed and become unresponsive. It’s not because I’m trying to be rude, it’s simply the fact that I need time to chill. So in light of recent events, I’m listing a few points on how to keep a meaningful introvert/extrovert friendship going.

1. Be Welcoming 

The myth is that introverts will not talk to strangers. That is absolutely untrue. Just today I was at the grocery store buying syrup and a lady mentioned how it doubled in price since last week. Since she was pleasant and friendly, I had no problem chatting with her about different grocery items that have surged in price recently. Conversation can be intimidating for introverts, but if you start off with a congenial attitude, you’d be surprised by the outcome.

2. Be Patient

I like to have time to think about things. Very seldom (if ever) do I go through with a plan that has not been thought out. So if you’re introverted friend seems a bit hesitant about anything, give them a chance to process and they’ll eventually come around. Unless it has anything to do with snakes, then I’m out. No exceptions.

3. Give Them Space

I love hanging out with my friends, I really do. At times if I’m out and about for extended periods of time, I have to have some off time. Usually I’ll unwind by reading a book, crocheting, or going on walks with Abbey. So it’s fair to say that I’ll check out for a little while. It’s mostly a day’s time and then I’m back in the social saddle ready to ride off again. Point is, quiet time is important for introverts to get back out into the social scene.

4. Don’t Push

Here’s where some challenges can occur. If I don’t get the space that I need, I go AWOL socially. Which means I don’t answer texts, calls, or anything in between. I get that this can be seen as rude to some, but I assure you it’s not meant maliciously. The reality is that when you invade an introvert’s space, it can be seen as overwhelming. Of course that’s not the intent but it’s how the receiver can feel. Case in point, if I get a bunch of texts while I’m trying to unwind, it’s overwhelming. I cannot  maintain that style of constant communication, even if it’s on something I’m interested in. It’s like a tidal wave of communication coming at me all at once and all I want to do is throw my phone into the trash. At that point, I won’t respond and will need a cooling off period before I can engage. Later on, when I’m feeling up to it, I’ll get around to responding. If you have a friend who gets a bit standoffish, chances are, they’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. Let them take a beat and they’ll get back to you. If you keep pushing, all they’ll do is prolong responding.

5. Don’t Take it Personally

I love my zany outgoing friends. They push me to get out of my comfort zone to do things I wouldn’t do on my own. With that being said, I still need my down time. If your introverted friends don’t want to hang out, most of the time it has nothing to do with you. It just means that they are mentally relaxing and getting prepped for the next awesome hang out session. Once you understand the method to their madness and give them the opportunity to reach their social equilibrium, they’ll be back out in no time, ready for the next adventure.

So those are some quick tips for extroverts on how to get along with their introvert pals. I do have some advice for my introvert cohorts as well.

1. Be Receptive

A general misnomer is that introverts are shy. That’s not always the case. If a person is offering you a “social olive branch” try your best and meet them halfway. A little growth never killed anyone

2. Ask For Time

If you take some time to make decisions, tell your friends what’s up. Don’t feel pressured to just blurt anything out. Chances are that our extrovert counterparts don’t operate in this type of mindset and that’s ok, but make your intentions clear.

3. Ask For Space 

I straight up tell my friends when I’m going “off the grid”. Telling people that you need space is not rude, especially if it’s crucial to your wellbeing. We’re all different and may not see eye to eye on things, so communication is key. Just send an “I’m currently checking out” message to your friends and get back to them when you feel up to it.

4. Set Boundaries

If you have a well meaning friend who doesn’t seem to get the message, after you’re done with your hiatus, have a heart to heart with that person. Explain why you need your space and make sure that you get it. If they care for you at all, they’ll respect that. If they don’t, well that’s on them and they clearly are not respecting your need for space.

5. Let Them Know You Appreciate Your Friendship

It’s tough to hear that your friend wants some down time, so it’s important that you let them know how much you enjoy their friendship. I try as much as possible to let my friends know how much they mean to me. It helps them understand that it’s “not their fault” when you need space.

Honestly, if I try to be social when I haven’t had time to recuperate, I’m kind of an ass. It’s like a 5 year old who hasn’t had their afternoon nap; they become cranky and emotional. Once they wake up from that nap, they’re back to being the sweet kid they once were; it’s the same for introverts. So that’s my take on how to maintain a legit friendship between an introvert and extrovert. Introverts on the webs, do you agree? Also, all the extroverts out there what do you require for a friendship to be successful? I want to hear your opinions. :-)

Why I Hate Those “25 Things You Should do at 25…” Lists

So I’m gonna go on a little rant here. I was on Facebook (first mistake) and saw that an acquaintance posted a list from Thought Catalog titled: 25 Things Every Woman Should Have By The Time She Turns 25. Naturally I clicked on it (second mistake). Then finally, I read the whole entire thing (third and final mistake) It lists a bunch of things like “having a best friend that’s like a sister” and “having thank you cards in your drawer”, the list goes on and on. Please feel free to read it to get the gist of my annoyance. While I understand that the writer is trying to “empower women” and all that jazz, I can’t help but be supremely irritated by lists of this nature.

1. They are just as oppressive as the oppression they are trying to go against

I can tell you right now that I know a bunch of people (myself included) who do not fit this criteria who are either 25 or near it. So apparently I’m doing life wrong according to this list. Let me go crawl into bed now that I’ve realized I’m a failure at life. WRONG.  The author I guess identifies herself as a feminist, yet uses words and phrases such as, “tact, grace, and the ability to find shoes off of a 40% off rack” to describe how women should act or aspire to be by 25. I’m not even going to get into the gender connotations those words and behaviors imply. If you were going for gender equality, boy you sure nailed it. She also talks about the confidence to eat whatever and to be herself. Hm, how about the confidence to realize and justify that this list is chock full of romanticized crap that I nor anyone else has to adhere to. I mean seriously? How about this, I’ll “be myself” and forget that I ever read this list. Anyone (both male and female) should be able to live their life without having to check with a list to see if they’re doing it right. Life is not a “one size fits all” endeavor and everyone comes into their own path in a unique way.

2. It perpetuates the “Should” mentality

Everything on this list tells you what you “should” be doing. People are impressionable and by creating “standards” for them to live by can make them feel like crap if they haven’t achieved them. One of the biggest problems I see in our (millennial) generation is that we compare ourselves to each other way too much. The only thing that you “should” know when you’re 25 is that life is a confusingly beautiful adventure and it’s yours to do with as you see fit.

3. It is saying that every 25 year old has the exact same aspirations and expectations out of life

We are all different in this amazing and crazy world. My “norm” may be completely off base of what your “norm” is. And you know what? That is perfectly ok. We do not have to see eye to eye on everything, nor should we aspire to be cookie cutter drones. The dangerous thing about lists like these is that the author is perpetuating her sense of normalcy onto others and is passing it off like it’s dogma from the heavens. Who cares if you waited until you were 35 to learn how to change a tire. Maybe you hate shopping and are not savvy at a clearance rack. The beauty of life is that, as long as we’re still on this earth, we have the ability to learn, grow, and change when the time is right for each and every individual.There are no time limits on growth and all expectations need to be thrown out of the window.

Ok, now that I’ve said my peace, my only “list” for you is to live your life in a manner that makes you happiest. So long as you are not hurting others, be free to be whoever you are. Don’t take lists like these to heart, if you are 25 and you don’t have 3 months of livable income in the bank, don’t fret, most people of that age don’t (I mean, student loans, anyone?). Let’s stop placing our expectations of one another and just enjoy life as it comes. Lastly, if you value your life at all, forget that Thought Catalog ever existed. You’re self esteem and wellbeing will thank you for it. Also feel free to ignore my advice, I don’t have all of the answers either, nor do I want to place my values on others. As for now I’m off to find a 40% off shoe rack… ;-)